For once, this post is not real-estate related in any way, shape, or form! Since we have finished the birthday season in the Keenan household (all three of our kids have their birthdays within a 3 week span!!) I thought I would take a few observations from my life as a parent and lay them out here, for those of you who ask me all the time, “how do you do it?”
Over the last 5+ years of having a baby with Down Syndrome in our family, we have learned quite a few things! About Down Syndrome, of course, but also about human nature, parenting, probability & statistics, and faith. Here is my top 10 list for those of you who are interested:
1. People say stupid things. Period. This includes physicians. If you are unable to forgive and forget, you will be miserable. And lonely. I guess this can apply to all situations in life, not just parenting a differently-abled child!
2. The word “RETARD” takes on a whole new (very ugly) meaning. It should only be used when talking about the slow growth of seeds perhaps… (“Those sunflower seeds seem to have had their growth retarded for some reason”…) You should do whatever is in your power to eliminate that word from your vocabulary, and encourage your kids to do the same. It’s offensive. And intellectually backwards. And small-minded. And hurtful. And discriminating. And harsh. And over-used. And…. well, you get the picture.
3. “Different” shouldn’t mean something “bad” or something “good”…. it just means that something is not the “same” as something else. Our family embraces “different” and it works out for us. It gives us a greater appreciation for things that might go unnoticed by many. It also helps us to be more compassionate, and it REALLY assists with the, “don’t sweat the small stuff,” mentality! Imagine a world where everyone was the same… NO THANKS.
4. For those 80%+ folks in the world who choose to terminate a pregnancy based upon a prenatal diagnosis of having a Down Syndrome baby on board, YOU MISSED OUT!
5. Some folks are luckier than others! We get that… we feel as if we are the luckiest humans!! Our little Myles is so healthy and so high functioning. He is the darling of the neighborhood and the scamp of the cul-de-sac all at the same time. He can brighten your day or drive you to distraction,exactly like his siblings before him did. We know not everyone is as lucky as we are. We have met parents whose children arrive with an extra chromosome and plenty of other worries as well. We are eternally thankful that we have been blessed with this tiny boy!
6. If you have a baby when you are 40, you should expect to be WORN OUT…. all the time.
7. People will laugh at your kid! You should laugh loudest, and first, so that they know it’s okay!! Laughter is still the best medicine. Surround yourself with the people you trust to carry you through your life, the people you know who will laugh along with you. Without the core group of friends that we have had for many, many years, we would not have made it. That is the honest truth. Those are the people who lift us up, who celebrate with us, and who listen to us when the days are long and complicated. They are the Godparents, the Grandparents, the aunts, the namesakes and the keepers of the gates. The fiercest protectors and the loyal compadres. Our lifelines.
8. Prepare to be delighted by the milestones along the way. I don’t know why the expectations for these kids are not higher, because certainly they can (and do!) achieve. My husband and I decided early on, when I was pregnant with Myles, that we were not going to waste precious time worrying about what he would NOT be able to do… We decided to invest our energy into giving him every opportunity we could to have a great life, and to celebrate his accomplishments accordingly. Myles can work an Ipad, turn on Dora on the television, put on his shoes, make a smoothie almost entirely by himself, and open every door in our home and throughout our community and run like hell once he opens it! He has mastered the art of doing hopscotch with the neighborhood kids, and he lives to see us toss a Frisbee into the tree! Don’t even try to butter his bagel at breakfast or you will hear some feedback immediately!
9. Don’t let someone hold your kid back because there is a diagnosis on his “file”….. period. We expect our kids to work hard and be accountable like everyone else. If there is someone on your child’s team(doctor, educator, neighbor…) who does not have those same expectations, set them straight and get them on board. Pave the way.
10. We love extra chromosomes!! What were we so scared of ? We have been blessed beyond belief by all three of our kids. Not one of them is like the other two, and we love that. IT’S DIFFERENT!!!
That’s it from the pulpit today~I’m better at writing about real estate than I am at writing about Down Syndrome. Obviously. Enjoy your day today!
THINK SOLD!
Teresa
I love you.
I can SOOO relate to this post and appreciate you sharing it! We feel the exact same way about Ian and are always asking why we deserve such an incredible little boy! Myles is so fun and bright – we need to do a playdate! Thanks Teresa for your words!
Fabulous words and thoughts.
Teresa your insight, observations and love for life are evident in this writing. You are a remarkable family. That’s all there is to say. Bless you all.
Well said, my friend! In some ways, time really does fly! It doesn’t seem like 5 years ago that you had Terry take you, in labor, by the Stone Tower Properties office to drop off a contract to sell a house on your way to the hospital in the wee hours of the morning! Or how you made CDH find a fax machine to put in your hospital room after Myles was born! But the fear and worry of the unknown does seem like eons ago and has been replaced with joy. For that I am grateful. “If we knew then what we know now” as they say. I am blessed to be your friend and to get to experience your kids through you. We are all blessed by knowing you, Teresa…your friends, your family and your clients.
Teresa-
You absolutely rock!! Your insights and observations are beautifully written and I adore your sense of humor. Thanks so much for always sharing-the good, the bad, the ugly and the downright hilarious.
Beautiful!
Dear friend Teresa,
Your kids are so special, among other reasons, because their parents are so special; and because you share your values and humor and happiness with them each day. If the world were populated with many more people like you, it would be such a better and more interesting place precisely because of our differences!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us!
Teresa, your words are so true! Our family is different in a different way than yours and we too feel very blessed and have learned to not take stupid comments to heart. Thank you for sharing what you have learned and congratulations on surviving the birthday season! We have this in common- Grace, Teigan and Tyler were all born within 24 hours! June 7 & 8. Hope to see you soon! -Wendi Dwyer
Teresa, Well said! As each of us learn in time that life is complicated and hard, but it is truly amazing what a positive attitude, faith in God and strong supportive group of friends can accomplish. Terry, the kids and you are just amazing people with so much love and laughter to provide to those of us lucky enough to be you friends. Jim
Teresa, You have a beautiful, spirited, gift for writing. I’ve always been a believer that ‘different’ is just that – different – not good or bad. You said it ever so eloquently. I appreciate how you said that you should laugh the loudest. Laughing helps everything. As Erma Bombeck said, “If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.” You’ve made me more aware to focus on what can be done, instead of what can not be done. Thank you for starting my day with your beautiful insight.
Thank you for taking time to write this essay! Your words, while better written than I could say, share many of my thoughts, but haven’t taken the time to write down. My son Noah, who is almost 8, also has “the cute chromosome!”. He is the youngest of my 5 children, and the Joy of our hearts. I tell him every day “God must really love me, because he gave you to me.”. Funny…most of my posts are real estate related, and honestly today I was thinking of posting “I love a person with Down Syndrome, do you?”
Awesome, simply awesome. Thanks for sharing your family and your life!
Hi Teresa! My name is Lana and Cindy Meyers is my cousin. Your information was so beautifully written. I have to tell you I have a daughter with autism and I feel like I can relate to what you wrote. Thank you for making my day and realizing I’m not alone!
Hi Mrs. Keenan…I’m home on my spring break and literally one of the first thing my Mom told me when she saw me was to check out your page. After reading your insight on Down Syndrome it really made me think very deeply about my possible future majoring in Special Education. I know my Mom is soooo proud to call you a friend and I can see why! The gifts that God has granted to you and your family are remarkable. I love seeing your kids when I’m driving out and about riding their bikes together in a line of Keenan’s! It’s a constant reminder to myself to NEVER think “I can’t do this or I can’t do that.” Thank You for sharing your faith and thoughts with our community!!! You are an inspiration
God Bless xoxoxoxox
Hello. I enjoyed your blog post. I am also a mom of a child with Down syndrome. Two actually, one bio and one adopted. I am a blogger too and I came across this post when I was Googling “down syndrome stupid things.” LOL. I was working on posting about Down syndrome myths and truths and was hoping to get some common misconceptions.
Anyway, I arrived here and this was better than reading about misconceptions. I enjoyed reading about your experience parenting. I wanted to comment on #1, people do say stupid things. I think it is important to forgive, but I also think it’s important to correct. We don’t want them carrying those false ideas that cause them to say stupid things over in to the next few decades. Better to educate them here and now. =)
Teresa…you are an unbelievable writer…what a gift you have telling your story with such honesty and humor..I always have and always will respect and adore you…Lauri
Every year, one child in every 800 to 1,000 births will be born with a condition known as Down syndrome. Down syndrome is a disorder in which the child has extra genetic material. This extra genetic material causes the baby to develop differently in the womb. This abnormal development occurs during the early stages of cell division, soon after conception.’
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